Episode 1: From Broadway Husbands to Dads — Why This Podcast Exists

Hello, everyone. Welcome to our first episode of the Husbands to Dads podcast.
What welcome. We are so excited to be here with you. If you're new to us,
if you've never discovered us, I'm Brad. And I'm Stephen. And we are the Broadway
husbands. The Broadway husbands. And the reason we call ourselves Broadway husbands
because we both worked on way to New York City for 25 years before the pandemic
when we randomly ended up in Texas, having our son who's now three and becoming
dads. And that's the title of the podcast. We went from Broadway husbands to
Broadway dads. And a lot has happened in the meantime, especially in growing our
Instagram account, our community of amazing supporters who are always engaging in our
content and giving us so much love. So we want to shout out to you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Build this and helping us build this community and being a
part of it. And we just constantly hope to bring as much joy into people's lives
as possible. Yeah. And so today we wanted to kind of talk about There's like a
current occurrence that has been happening with us, you know, we have a toddler who
is I think this is the first episode we should just say like our real intention
behind this podcast. Oh yeah. Right. Is that we feel like we're constantly in a
space as parents, where we don't, we feel kind of othered, because so much of the
parenting space is really structured around heteronormative relationships and so and
like and let's be clear like heteronormative relationships like the the structure the
way that it's like blasted out into the universe is like all so mom -centric and I
think one of the first things you we notice I notice when I became a dad is that
the pressure that's put upon women is it's insane,
it's insane. Like, oh, I mean, we knew that obviously, but then when you become a
parent and you see all the mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, I mean, it's-- - Yeah,
and so shout out to moms. - Shout out to women, yeah, I mean-- - It's a lot of
pressure to, if you decide not to be a mom, you're gonna constantly feel othered.
If you decide not to breastfeed, if you don't breastfeed, do IVF, I mean, there's
so much othering that happens in that space and then fall on, you know, that kind
of falls into us as queer parents as to a two dad family. We constantly have to
filter what we see when we go into spaces. So,
for instance, we go to this wonderful pediatric chiropractor, right? It's so good.
We walk in and there's a big sign on the wall that says, "Moms, if you want to,
you can get the Wi -Fi." I mean, it's like everything is specifically speaking to
moms and I'm all about, you know, I work in social media marketing, yes, niche
down, but like also let's not forget that like it's not just moms who are
caretaking children and babies and that's a heart like that gets old in a way and
I think many of us have just sort of accepted it. So the idea behind that, I
don't know, is there any moment where you felt like you experienced feeling othered
as a dad? I mean, I think the very first time we felt it was when obviously when
we went to the hospital to have our son,
our surrogate was going to give birth and just the check -in process, getting through
security, like the security guard didn't understand why there were four of us going
upstairs. So we had to kind of like go very prepared with all the paperwork, which
is totally understandable. And then also, just once he was born
dealing with the wristbands, right, remember? Like there was like this like wristband
fiasco because legally he was our baby but because Crystal gave birth to him he's
born under her name just to keep it like so for like 20 counts yeah clear so for
24 hours he had a baby her last name and then and then eventually we were able to
switch it all over um but you know and of course we were two men staying in a
women's hospital room for two days. We were there for two days with our baby.
With our baby. So that was a very exceptional moment. And it felt like,
yeah, I felt like we had to be like, look, I'm allowed to be here. But it is
understandable. But it was like, right off the gate. And then like, today,
Usually I feel a little, not othered, but sometimes slightly out of place is like
going to like any place where during the day with my son, and it's just all moms,
and I'm like usually the only dad. There's always like at least one or two, maybe
one other dad or like when I take my son to the library, like I'm typically the
only male. There is a father who comes all the time though. Anyways,
but just in spaces. That's a great example too, like where it's not just gay in
queer parents, like there are single gay dads. I know out there, there are widowed
dads and they have to do the same thing. So we wanted to create a space where you
don't need to filter. We want to create a space where it's like your parents,
regardless of your identity, and we want to give you tools and resources and
connections and information in places to feel like you as a parent belong and as
imperfect as parenting can be, you're not alone. And also just, I think being queer
parents, because the normal roles don't apply to us,
I think that it's given us a lot of room to kind of question and rethink things
that are considered normal or the standard I don't even know if it's normal standard
the standard like what's like what most people expect you know standard I would call
it like yeah I don't know what you know that the thing that conventional
conventional there's a good turn conventional we has a society and raising our
children have just accepted conventions that were given to us and for many of us
raising a child is not necessarily we don't second guess it we don't question it
because we're just gonna do what we were raised on and we are just gonna do what
our parents did because it worked fine look at us but actually I personally believe
and this is something we both kind of agreed to when we to when we first had our
child. Let me just take it back to our wedding. When we decided to get married,
you realize, oh, as a gay couple, there are no traditions. We get to create our
own traditions. And as gay parents, why are we just going to accept the status quo
of raising our children as well? Let's change what we experience, because for many
of us, we either experience functional family systems, regardless of straight or gay.
But for most of us who are gay, we experience an extreme amount of homophobia,
whether in our family systems or society, we still deal with it every single day.
And that can affect how we raise our children, our sense of security, our sense of
safety. And I really wanted to consciously bring awareness to how we raise our
child. So I did research, I read books, we joined a parenting group. And yeah,
it's not perfect. And there's a lot more that we could do. But I think that the
information that we've learned from that and the things that we've learned, I want
to spread that information. I think it's super important that if you're going to
parent, that you do it consciously, that you don't just accept the status quo and
the conventions that are put forth towards us. And you don't just do it off of
free reels or TikToks on the internet. Like, let's have real conversations about how
to raise our children so that the next generation is emotionally healthy, financially
healthy. And we as relations couples can continue to grow and be better people as
well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so that's what we're right here. That's why we're here.
That's why we hope you enjoy that and please consider Subscribing and sharing this
podcast with anybody you think that wants the same thing Actually, they kind of
leads me don't want to talk about something. That's not what we were gonna say.
Okay. Good. Let's talk about that What were you gonna talk about? I want to talk
about assumptions. Okay. Let's talk about assumption We have a really we have a
great interview coming up with Lucy loose Remy from family quality, and she actually
talked about assumptions on that interview. Do you remember this? She said assumptions
made an ass of you and me right when you assume You make an ass.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And really I think the story I want to tell is about how
when We had our son We had some three years ago. We'll tell the story another time
to go in depth about some stuff to happen with our nuclear family. But I remember
thinking if I'm dealing with conservative family members who are homophobic and,
you know, in a political climate, they were all in, if you're in America especially.
There must be other gay dads who are going through this. Maverick was a few months
old. Oh, I know what we're going to talk about. Yeah, we're living in Houston. It's
a very suburban conservative, you know, area. So I was super inspired to want to
create a group. And to be honest, I think that you were inspired to create a
group. And I think that the reason why, at least from my view,
it seemed like and because I wanted this also was to create a group of dads that
could get together and so that we could experience time together with our children
and our children could see other two dad families and so that we could all get
together and kind of have the conversation that Brett and I are having right now,
but with other two dad families and a fit of our children getting to see other two
dad families and and just so that they could feel like everybody else basically
right you know and it was impulsive like I didn't I mean I am that's kind of my
and also wait wait wait just to be clear too you started doing the group when I
don't even think Maverick was three months old right so like we were new parents we
were very
We're all so extremely like let me just talk about what happened. Yeah, go ahead.
Tell them how it sort of started So I was thinking if I'm feeling this way then I
bet other dads are so I just started looking up on Instagram because that's our
primary platform on social media other gay dads in Houston and I started this little
group Group chat. I called it gay dads of Houston And I was like would you guys
want to to get together and do a meetup. And so we did our first meetup in Herman
Park. - Oh yeah. - And it was super fun. - And there was one set of dads whose
kids were about Maverick's age, who lived not too far from us. There were some
other dads that came and some of these kids, I think it's the first time they had
ever seen other two dad families, which I thought was really, that to me was like
super important and powerful. - And it was also like the very beginning of us having
Maverick. So we were like, just grateful to get out of the house and see people
and not only and see adults and they were having to be two dad families. Like it
was a very emotional meetup. I remember that. - Totally, yeah, totally. And so I was
super inspired at that moment to be like, oh, okay, and up until this moment, I
had kind of, I have a coaching business, I've been a certified life coach for
years. And I thought, well, What if I could convince, like, sort of change my
coaching into helping support k -dads? Because I think that there needs to be more
inclusion in that space and that was sort of my naivete, I think, and just thinking
that people want coaching around that, you know, but like parenting is parenting.
That's the truth. And anyway, but I liked the community. So we started doing these
meetups and we did it almost once a month. Yeah, in the beginning, I would say
definitely once a month. Yeah. So talking about assumptions, my assumption was this.
What? Tell us, tell us. If you're gay and you decide to be a parent, you're doing
it. This is my assumption. You're doing it because you want to make a difference in
the world. Do you want your child to not experience the kind of discrimination
and suffering that many of us had to within the culture that we live in. That was
my assumption. - And? - That is not true. - Right. - And this is not a specific
judgment to anybody, but it's too general. Because it's so nuanced.
Regardless of how you choose the parent, every single parent is doing it in their
own way. That they want to, every child is different. And every parent is the
expert on their child also, so. But I really thought having a community of gay
dads, we were going to go, let's elevate how we parent, and let's learn how to be
more conscious. And that doesn't mean-- gay dad is not the equivalent of conscious
parenting. Yeah. And I think that's kind of-- Unfortunately, because I do wish that
the gay community was more evolved spiritually and emotionally. say person, this is
me, does not Steven's opinion. But I do wish in general, the gay community was more
evolved. But if you just go look at any queer culture magazine
or Instagram-- - Do they still have magazines? - I don't know, digital magazines.
You know, it's the same stuff. It's six packs and muscles and speedos. And so I
think we, I think after a couple of meetups, there were a couple people in the
group who just seemed a little like dramatic. I guess the quickest way to say it
is like, they just seemed a little less interested in the community aspect and more
interested in-- - Stirring up drama. - Showing off and being like, look how wealthy
we are, look at our house, look at what we have. It felt a little bit like that
and instead of like, how can we support each other? But after a few months of the
meetups, which we're fine, they were doing well, we personally like live, or
currently live, but not for long, north Houston, it was just kind of far for people
downtown, so we never got to host it. But what I would try to do was find places
that would host for us. Yeah. Well, anyway, long story long, and we also moved away
and moved back. So we went to New York, Stephen, we got booked to Broadway show,
went to New York for seven months and then came back. And while we're in New York,
I could not manage the Instagram group. There was just no way. And I kind of just
fell off because of everything happening in New York and just trying to be present
with our one year old and Stephen doing his schedule with the show and all of
that. So when we came back, I was super excited to try to like reinvigorate this
group and start doing meet -ups and here's what happened Tell us tell us. So I we
got invited by this place called the color factory to For it to come and make
content the color factory is cute it's like this little interactive museum and And
they have it in a lot of a lot of different places. Yeah. Not just Houston. When
they invited us, I said, "Would you actually be open to letting us bring a group?
I wanted to bring the gay dads and their kids because this is a super fun family
event. And if I could get everyone comped, then that kind of is a great way for
us to meet up. But in order to do that, I need to create a Google form. I need
to just make sure I can get a headcount. So I go into the group after being gone
for seven months and I just said hey we're back and we'd love to see everybody and
we've been invited by Color Factory to go and do this to go and they're giving us
free tickets I just need to get a headcount and we'd love to see how many people
want to go. Well a couple of these little I would say drama queens There were like
two, two families in particular. Yeah, they just go, what's the catch?
Like how much is Broadway husbands getting paid for this? Yeah, they thought we were
getting some sort of we're not getting paid anything. This is free and like they
want to be inclusive. Yeah, families like ours. And if you don't want to go,
that's okay, just don't go. You don't need to stir the pot or and it just turned
into this thing with like, oh, I don't know. I don't trust anything that's free.
It's like, interesting. - And they thought that there was some expectation. The only
expectation was to go. And if you actually posted something, then great. But like,
they weren't really asking for anything. We had to post something, you know, maybe.
I don't even remember. - Oh yeah, I think we were gonna post something, but I said,
no, you guys don't have to post anything. If you want to tag them, of course,
you're welcome to. But like, it's just pretty good. That's it. Yeah, just for fun
and a great fun to each other. And it's just sour group in such a way. And then
it turned into I just wrote, like, listen, after about a day of feeling kind of
like victimized by this, because I was like, why am I being painted to be something
I'm not? I just said, listen, I created this group to be supportive. If you don't
want to be supportive, don't be in the group. Just go somewhere else. Like that's
there's nothing else going on here. And of course, does people left the group? And
I was like, okay, fine. But honestly, after that, I was feeling so sort of burnt
by even making the effort. And I think that was, again, my assumption of people
seeing the good and wanting to have community more than anything. But what sort of
sealed the deal for me and really keeping that group engaged was when I started to
see people divide out of the group and start to post content of them out having
drinks and speedos. And like, you know, some of these people with like six month
old babies at home. And I'm just like, I don't I that's not why I wanted to
create this group. And if people want to continue to live their lives, like they
never had kids, while they have kids, then fine. But I don't that's not what I was
hoping this start. I wanted to create a group where it was like, we now have kids.
Who are we? How do we support each other? And, you know, maybe that's part of
their evolution and that's okay. No, it's fine. But I think that that was an eye
-opening moment for me. Yeah. Because that was when I realized, oh, okay, the gay
dad community specifically is not necessarily a community. I think it's there's
there's a conscious parenting community. Yes. I think it's about parents I don't
think it's about dads or moms or and I think that that idea is like the main
reason why we want to do this podcast is because we want we want to just be
better parents We want to be the best parents that we can be and we want to
create the safest space for our son to be authentically himself and just to grow
and be great and I think that as we learn and as we get better and as we learn
from our mistakes, we want to share that journey and we want to share what works
for us and what doesn't work for us and also want to like encourage any parent out
there to think differently of course and like get more information But also,
like, we want to inspire people to know that you can still do the things you love
to do. You can still find ways to be creative, if that's what you want to do, and
be a parent. And that might mean, like, we don't have disposable income all the
time to just be able to travel and be able to do those things. Which, you know,
partly, part of me may be just a little bit jealous that those guys can just go
to Mexico. Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, like they were even telling us that some of
these meetups, they tell us, Oh, well, we have a live in Nanny. She lives in our
backyard. It's like, I can't, that's just not our reality.
And I think it's awesome that you have that, but we don't. And even if I could
afford that, I don't think I'd want that because I love these three years of
bonding with our Um, so anyway, I think, I hope we haven't digressed too much into
judgment land. I think there's a little bit of judgment going on, of course, on my
end, and I, I have to constantly keep myself in check around it. It's not fair
because everyone's doing their best with what they got. But I think it's important
context for anyone who's listening to see, like, it doesn't matter what community
you're a part of, there's gonna it's the the difference is how do you want to
raise your child not necessarily what is the community telling you right and what
like what I mean I mean I standard and I think that like that kind of comes to
like the idea of um what was the word that you use not normal conventional right
like conventional ideas right and um I've noticed that when we felt pressure to do
certain things from our parents that it doesn't always feel good,
right? And it doesn't always work out in a positive way. So I think the more that
we are able to kind of do what's right for us and or do what's right for you,
for you and your family and not necessarily what's right for the opinion that you're
going to get from your parents. I think that you're always going to come out on
top, right? Because it always puts us into a more, just a better mindset.
We're more confident in our choices and in our parenting because it comes from us,
right? When something comes from a convention that's not necessarily working, but we
feel like we have to do it because everybody else is doing it and we did it and
our parents did it.
Yeah, I think it's just always helpful to do you, right? - And on that note,
let's take a break. - Yes.
- Hey friends, quick pause from today's episode to tell you about something really
special that we built just for you. If you've been loving these convos on Husbands
to Dads, then you'll definitely want to check out the Broadway Husbands neighborhood
on Substack. That's where we get even deeper with our weekly joy chats and where
it's just us, real talk, real life, and a little sparkle. Plus,
we host a monthly community dance class. Yes, you heard that, right? Whether you're
a total beginner or just love moving your body with other people, it's joyful, it's
low pressure, and it's full of love. Plus, every week we share thoughtful articles
and newsletters on parenting, queerness, creativity, and community. Basically, everything
that makes this little corner of the internet so special. So if you're ready to be
more connected, more supported, and maybe even just bust a move with us,
Come join us on Substack. Just head to Broadwayhusbands .substack .com or click on the
link in the show notes. We'll see you in the neighborhood.
- All right, if you're watching this on YouTube, our background's gonna change, right?
- Very soon because we're in the middle of packing to move and we are moving in
two weeks. - So let's go back to the topic. Let's go back to the topic. So we're
talking about conventions as parents. We convection oven? No conventions.
Conventional parenting. Conventional parenting. It's interesting because when you become
a parent as a two -dad family, you're already non -conventional just by existing.
And whenever we make a post or piece of content,
And honestly, that's when our account really started growing up growing on Instagram
I mean it was doing fine before yeah when we had Maverick and we started posting
content around Parenting it just like blew up. Mm -hmm. And I remember thinking
that's interesting But also because it's unconventional people aren't used to seeing
two dads and they want to see and they want to learn and they want to You know,
I think but what's interesting is there's this other half of it when we have
something go viral around parenting. But, but to be clear, I'm sure most people kind
of experience this when things go viral, right? I don't know that everybody does, to
be honest, I really, I think that, go ahead. No, I don't think everybody does if
you're straight. You don't think people, everybody who gets a viral video, they don't
get hate? I don't think that the amount got it. I think that there might be some
people who troll people like but there are some accounts out there that are just so
They're just like there's no they don't ruffle anything right like I think of like
Casey Stroh like she's awesome Fun dancer or super fun. She probably gets some hate
for her body. I mean, I don't know people are so I Yeah, I think she but right
because that people are so gross about yeah everything. Yeah, there's going to be
trolls. Yeah. But we had a video on YouTube go viral. And this was the kissing
video. Right. Yeah. Where we kiss Maverick on the cheek. It was like, kiss, kiss,
kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.
The song was like a Russian song. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum like that.
Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. And so when it hit a certain mark, it went viral to Russia.
And I don't think I realized how conservative Russia is, but it's like the amount
of, and I still think they're still there. I don't have time to keep up with the
amount of hate that was coming in. - So the kind of hate that we get is like puke
emojis. - Where's the mom? - Where's the mom? This poor child. How many kids do you
have locked in your basement? That was one that's like always people and we get
that not just from Russians. Okay. Yeah. We get that from Americans. To be clear.
That's not. It's always very interesting to me because there are a lot of things in
Russian. We know now. Oh yeah. And I had to translate. Yeah. We also know now that
most HEDOs are actually actually straight.
There's enough research done, but it's still these conventions that people have put
on that somehow being gay is a dysfunction because of generations and years of wait,
but because of legislation. Yeah, because of laws. I mean, like I said, that that's
true. And now, of course, most of its biblical people love to put Bible quotes and
tell us why it's backed up by the Bible. And we did a whole, if you go on our
website, you can go watch an entire interview we did with the guy named Brian
Rekker, who's an amazing. And he helps clear all of that up for us. Yeah,
all the biblical definitions that people love to use in defense of what he calls
clobbering the gay community. Yeah. So we we know, you know,
and we're gonna have to do a whole episode of our religion. We can do like a lot
of episodes, but we know we are loved. We know who we are. We know. Yeah, we
don't. Yeah, we don't, you know, but it does take a toll on like deleting those
constantly being reminded. Well, because just because we don't need validation from
that or we love we love ourselves for who we are and we don't we've never lived
by that kind of thing. And then to then realize or remember that people are deep,
deep in this stuff and they believe anything that's told to them, it can take a
toll. So like what I recommend is do not read all the comments, just kind of
delete quickly because it really takes a toll. - And the other thing I'm learning is
like the more you laugh at it, the more you don't take it Seriously, it's better
like those trolls when I just put smiling laughing emojis on their comments, it
pisses them off even more.
So, you know, the thing I mostly get concerned about with those comments is someone
young following us and seeing them. I don't want someone going in the comments and
feeling like, you know, seeing our content and going, oh my God, this is possible
for for me. And then seeing the thoughts of being like in mind. And then they
realized, wait, maybe I can't do this. That's my only concern. That's why I do put
some effort into deleting as much as I can. And also why sometimes I just turn the
comments off depending on the post. But I also feel like we live in the world that
we live in. And if we made an entire account that was just fluff, that was Just
look how happy we are as a family when we actually are living in a world where
our rights could be taken away tomorrow and our child is going to be very aware
that his family is unconventional. And especially when we live in a red state and
we live around a lot of people who do sort of spout their religious stuff, I think
it's important to live in reality and talk about that reality and help people know
if you are feeling other and if you are living in a place where you don't belong,
you're not alone. You're not alone and you belong here and please keep coming back
because we love having you here. That is why we are here. We want you to know
regardless of how you choose to parent, regardless of your belief systems,
regardless of your sexuality, regardless of your singleness or your marriedness.
- Yeah, you belong as a parent, you can be better.
You, we can all strive to be better. We can be better people, partners and parents.
And that's what this is about. That's what the neighborhood is about. And we are
really, really glad that you're here and listening. So make sure you click that
subscribe button. And if you can-- - Click it, click it, click it. - It really helps
us if you leave a view down below and share this with anyone that you know.
And then upcoming episodes, what do we have coming? - We have so many great
interviews. We have Lisa Schumann. We have Brian from Gays with Kids.
- In fact, that's gonna be our next episode. Brian from Gays with Kids is gonna
talk to us about adoption kind of, 'cause we didn't choose the adoption route, but
he Gays with Kids, if you don't know, you'll hear more about it in the next
episode. So stay tuned. You'll learn more about all these different processes and
donor conceived children. That's what Lisa Schuman from that and family quality and
legislation and stuff like that. And family quality. We just said, yeah, family
equality and I feel like I'm missing something. Like talk about unconventional. If
you follow us on social media, you've heard us talk about the Rai method. Yes. So
we have two people from Neurator Child, which is a Rai organization in New York
City where we used to take Maverick. For his play class, and we still have an
awesome parenting group that we attend once a week virtually with other parents who
love the Rai Method as much as we do. So stay tuned, make sure you subscribe,
come over and join the rest of this conversation on our sub stack, please feel free
to on there, hop in, offer any topics, ideas or questions you want us to answer.
We will definitely about once a month do a solo episode, just the two of us and
answer any grab bag questions that you might have. Yeah, please drop us some
questions. We love answering your questions. We have so much fun doing that and we
love to connect with you. Thanks for joining us and we'll talk to you in the next
episode. See ya.